CII board taking an afternoon nap
A quick clarification first. CII is not Council of Islamic Idiots. It is a council, yes. It compromises of people who identify themselves with the Islamic faith, yes. And all of them are, predominantly, and we are being conservative here, idiots. But, sadly when they were naming the council, they decided that putting in the “Idiots” word would not leave anything for imagination and therefore they chose “Council of Islamic Ideology”. Hence, in addition to determining the ideology of Pakistan for all eternity, we now had a council to determine the ideology of Islam. This itself, goes against their Islam-has-no-borders mentality. Surely, if there are no borders then the self proclaimed protectors of faith – the Saudis – should have the council. Surely, the council can’t exist in Pakistan. In theory this is correct but there a couple of issues. Firstly, the people who are part of CII can’t really speak Arabic. I mean they can quote you the Quran perfectly, but if they are, say in Jeddah, they can’t go to a Halwa shop owned by a Saudi national and order 20 grams of Halwa. You will say that surely, the Halwa shop will be owned by a Saudi but the shopkeeper would be from India or Pakistan, but that’s besides the point. Secondly, it’s quite possible that almost all of the members will be put in jail if they try to do anything remotely similar to what they do in Pakistan; for example, question the government.
For all intents and purposes, CII’s opinions dont really matter. According to the constitution, their rulings are not mandatory on the government. To understand what CII truly should be, imagine a group of rowdy 5 year olds who want the world to run according to their rules. They want the world to eat sand, treat them as kings and follow their commands. Now imagine that you have created a small corner in the house and told them that they are the rulers of that corner. They can do whatever they want there as long as they don’t bother the adults or try to force other kids to come to their corner and be their subjects. The 5 year olds will love this. They will embrace it with open hearts. And then eventually they would grow up. CII are these 5 year olds who, sadly, haven’t been able to grow up. Some say that CII was the inspiration behind Benjamin Button but that’s just horse manure.
Any news about CII riles me up. Their ruling about disqualifying DNA use in rape cases was idiotic. CII ruled that DNA is not the right way to determine if a rape had occurred and instead there should be a witness to corroborate the accusation.
Normal people’s reaction to CII rape ruling
The notion of having a witness for rape cases is an example of truly believing in the good nature of human beings; expecting one of the rapists to find religion and come forward as the savior to exonerate the woman. By doing so, the man will be absolved from all his sins and can happily reclaim his promised stash of 70 virgins.
Recently, CII caused another controversy when they argued against organ transplants. There was a conference held recently where people from different backgrounds came together and discussed the legality of organ transplant. Everyone agreed that organ transplant is perfectly legal in Islamic law – everyone except CII folks. One of the arguments put forward by CII representatives was that the scholars need to determine if Muslim organs can be given to a non-Muslim. Their reasoning was that since it’s written that on the day of judgment, every man and woman would be raised from their graves as they were in their lives, the organ transplant will mess up the process. This is from the group of people who believe that life is a miracle, that man was born from a grain of sand. Are they telling us that, God, as we believe Him, was able to create humans but won’t be able to figure out which organs belong to which human? How about we bury the list of donors with the body so that on the day of judgment, when angels come to pick us up, they can use the list to make the necessary swaps. In that case, we might also need to figure out the goat that was used to create Maulana Muhammad Khan Sherani’s beard because, quite frankly, those beard hairs don’t look at all like human beard hair.
The chief idiot
the alleged goat